just for the record

here's what i would like to say, if i knew it would hurt her (yep i am sick & mean like that- why do i want to hurt her, b/c she is not nice to me and when push comes to shove- she will push me under that bus any given day)
if i knew it would hurt her, perhaps enough, to make her change.  Why do i think i can get her to change- because i don't like the way she is?  why am i being a jerk & expectating her to change.  Maybe she likes who she is?  maybe her friends like the way she is?  how can i be so arrogant to command her to change just so that I don't have to fight with her over rules?  why do i think she is missing out on life, but not being willing to learn new things? what is wrong with me?
would it be easiest to say that WHO SHE IS, is EVERYTHING i am against.  Controlling, super opinated, not willing to listen,  not willing or able to learn & grow.  maybe that's it.  Maybe it's easy to say - she is the opposite of people i want to hang out with...She is the OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANT TO BE!  Am i scared that I will turn into her?  i am definitly worried about my son treating me like her sons do....but is that b/c of who the Boys are. or b/c of who she is?  Would relationships be real if she didn't offer an opinion or remark every time? or is there something in their relationship that is wonky?
it would break my heart if casey treated me with the same disdain & blah that She is met with...but this does seem to be a 2 way street.  she appears to be more time & energy into her friends than her family.  She has absolutely no "like" for me.  she clearly disagrees with everything i do.    does it irk me that she preaches & lectures about health but is still lazy & overweight- OMG YES!  BUT Even more it scares the beejezus out of me- how does someone get like that- to the point that they feel high & almighty to inform others what they should do & not do it. 
i guess out of this random tangent i am learning that i DO NOT surround myself with people like her.  I choose to have positive friends who grow.  And secondly, i am terrified to turn into her.  b/c i don't think deep down she is happy.  And i want to be happy & I want to be valuable (& serving a purpose) in my relationships.