back to the countdown...it's finally here 4 weeks until i give my notice...8 weeks total at work....which seems like a long time with a new director & new initiatives being rolled out...but it's not.. not at all..especially since i started the countdown in December (that was silly)
i have accepted that i can be excited to be home & sad to leave at the same time. that's okay. I am not leaving work b/c i hate it...there are somethings i dis like...but i don't hate my job...(perhaps back in dec, when this conversation started i did hate my job) but not now.
but i am really going to miss my friends...BUT i can always see them outside of work...look at Kari's party- i hadn't seen or talked to Brandy in 2 weeks..& we work in the same building.
The kids that i am going to miss...i can facebook friend their parents & do play dates...
it will be sad to leave...but i am asking to be on the sub list...so hopefully i will be back occasionally.
i will still be friends w/ Diana...we will actually hang out more ...there are people i will be sad to leave...like Basrua but in a year they will be leaving the building anyways...
so it's okay to be excited to SAHM & okay to be sad to leave the center.
Monday, March 28, 2011
this is where i am at right now...first i wished that i didn't over analyze all of this..i wish i was more like Troy to let it go and experience life in the moment...but that's tricky..cause i feel like i have one foot in the pool of work & one foot entering the pool of home. I need to work on NOT creating extra work or stress in my life...i worry that when i don't have work...all of a sudden TK or other stuff will over take me.
Something has changed within me- i used to feel relief & relaxation when only jugging 3 vs 5 things. i used to be able to breathe...but now i feel stressed really over nothing...i have some school stuff on my to do list, one small self sufficent TK event this weekend, some homeschool stuff and cranky HOA stuff...but really this is nothing compared to juggling ACA & Tower show...but i don't feel the difference...i used to feel the difference in stress level
so when i am not working, i am going to have to try & work on living in the moment. this is why i am leaving work to be home isn't it...to be in the moment.
i also need to pick up some books on boundaries again...i need to work on NOT letting confrontation take over my free time & mental energy. letting it go
Something has changed within me- i used to feel relief & relaxation when only jugging 3 vs 5 things. i used to be able to breathe...but now i feel stressed really over nothing...i have some school stuff on my to do list, one small self sufficent TK event this weekend, some homeschool stuff and cranky HOA stuff...but really this is nothing compared to juggling ACA & Tower show...but i don't feel the difference...i used to feel the difference in stress level
so when i am not working, i am going to have to try & work on living in the moment. this is why i am leaving work to be home isn't it...to be in the moment.
i also need to pick up some books on boundaries again...i need to work on NOT letting confrontation take over my free time & mental energy. letting it go
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The countdown is on...ONE month until i give notice. YIKES!
now i am starting to get nervous- nervous about the decision i am making...worried that i won't be able to manage the girl's behavior, that i will mess the boy's chances in school up... nervous that i am going to miss my friends so much. sigh.
but at the same time, i can't wait to be home...
now i am starting to get nervous- nervous about the decision i am making...worried that i won't be able to manage the girl's behavior, that i will mess the boy's chances in school up... nervous that i am going to miss my friends so much. sigh.
but at the same time, i can't wait to be home...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
i am working on decluttering/purging. i have never "nested" before with either child's arrival..but i finally get that nesting feeling...i feel like i am preparing for my new life...my life that is focused on my home...i am getting my house to feel like a home. how am i doing this...
i am trying to remind myself" DO NOT FILL YOUR LIFE WITH STUFF...the more stuff the more stressed i get. i think this is part of my issue with being home w/ the kids. sometimes i feel like i am just turning my wheels on the ground...trying to be organzied & find stuff.
i think i am capable of being an orangized person ...finally. this has taken a lot of time...but i have also realized that being the most organized person in the world, doesn't matter if i can't purge through items/or if there is still so much clutter. i hink the paperwork file is a good example. i have started to organize the paperwork to either be filed, placed in safe or sorted through...great intentions...but i can't keep up with it...there is just too much inthe way. i guess that's it...there is too much stuff in the way. I could find clean linens (cleaverly hidden in their pillow case) if i didn't have to step into the closet of dred.
i actually thing the clutter is more of a mental block than a physcial one. i open the closet & feel like a failure...what is wrong w/ me that i can't keep this organized. the clutter screams LOST priorities. as in ...instead of spending an hour collectively on FB, i could take time to invest in my house making it a home.
so there....i am trying to move forward with this...& every year i do this...but this year feels different, it feels fresh & RENEWED, inflicted with PURPOSE.
It probalby helps that i have taken over the 2 house improvement projects. i feel more responsible for the outcome of the house. i am taking it very seriously as to what happens with the money put into the construction. i even called my dad, after about 2 weeks deliberation, to ask for a loan.
so on the house front...i feel good. now to just keep going
i am trying to remind myself" DO NOT FILL YOUR LIFE WITH STUFF...the more stuff the more stressed i get. i think this is part of my issue with being home w/ the kids. sometimes i feel like i am just turning my wheels on the ground...trying to be organzied & find stuff.
i think i am capable of being an orangized person ...finally. this has taken a lot of time...but i have also realized that being the most organized person in the world, doesn't matter if i can't purge through items/or if there is still so much clutter. i hink the paperwork file is a good example. i have started to organize the paperwork to either be filed, placed in safe or sorted through...great intentions...but i can't keep up with it...there is just too much inthe way. i guess that's it...there is too much stuff in the way. I could find clean linens (cleaverly hidden in their pillow case) if i didn't have to step into the closet of dred.
i actually thing the clutter is more of a mental block than a physcial one. i open the closet & feel like a failure...what is wrong w/ me that i can't keep this organized. the clutter screams LOST priorities. as in ...instead of spending an hour collectively on FB, i could take time to invest in my house making it a home.
so there....i am trying to move forward with this...& every year i do this...but this year feels different, it feels fresh & RENEWED, inflicted with PURPOSE.
It probalby helps that i have taken over the 2 house improvement projects. i feel more responsible for the outcome of the house. i am taking it very seriously as to what happens with the money put into the construction. i even called my dad, after about 2 weeks deliberation, to ask for a loan.
so on the house front...i feel good. now to just keep going
let's see updates for the last week or so.
i spoke at ACA. i think i have decided to not apply for next year. I spent a ton of time & energy to prepare...and i really didn't get the "high" that i had previously experienced. right now, while working it was definitly not a good use of my time. I do regret expounding so much energy & thought on it....as a result of overcommitment & over stretched i shared several times with lysa how stressed i was...she in turn told D& E i was ready to lose my mind. then it turned into this big production. drama ugh! Too much energy spent on trying to control how other people react...i need to do some more work on boundaries.
on the work front, debbie announced she is leaving the center...in a week. that was a shock...but on the same side it will make my resignation much easier. i won't have to look at the wonderful person who told me in my review- families stay because of me. yikes! i am really happy for her. Dreading a little bit the new director Mary-as i will only work for her for 3 months. & really it's only 2 months plus one month notice
this week i have the dog show w/ tk. i have 21 volunteers...and kathi is coming to visit.
i spoke at ACA. i think i have decided to not apply for next year. I spent a ton of time & energy to prepare...and i really didn't get the "high" that i had previously experienced. right now, while working it was definitly not a good use of my time. I do regret expounding so much energy & thought on it....as a result of overcommitment & over stretched i shared several times with lysa how stressed i was...she in turn told D& E i was ready to lose my mind. then it turned into this big production. drama ugh! Too much energy spent on trying to control how other people react...i need to do some more work on boundaries.
on the work front, debbie announced she is leaving the center...in a week. that was a shock...but on the same side it will make my resignation much easier. i won't have to look at the wonderful person who told me in my review- families stay because of me. yikes! i am really happy for her. Dreading a little bit the new director Mary-as i will only work for her for 3 months. & really it's only 2 months plus one month notice
this week i have the dog show w/ tk. i have 21 volunteers...and kathi is coming to visit.
Friday, March 4, 2011
a stay at home day in practice. Today carlie got out at 11am. We are having a very relaxing, non lazy (except now that my butt is planted by the puter) kinda day. I'm right in the beginning of 2 exciting but long weeks. ACA & then TK dog show. Not sure why my 2 largest events for the year go back to back. some sick sense of humour on timing.
There always seems to be something around the corner...after TK Dog show, i'm going to try to just chill...& maybe work a little on a summer boredom bucket/schedule. It will be really nice to have an objective that (most of the time) focuses just on nurturing & developing my children..instead of always taking time from my children to focus on work or a busy-ness project.
There always seems to be something around the corner...after TK Dog show, i'm going to try to just chill...& maybe work a little on a summer boredom bucket/schedule. It will be really nice to have an objective that (most of the time) focuses just on nurturing & developing my children..instead of always taking time from my children to focus on work or a busy-ness project.
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