crazy thoughts & background

I'm back. and i have brought with me, my fair share of crazy thoughts in my head. Currently with all the chaos in life- i have resorted back to spending heaps of time & energy into that Woman again.  I think their are a couple of things going on.
first- i think it is far easier for me to think of confronting her than it is to confront the chaos of life. with the new job, old job, office, lower paycheck, frustrations with him in general.  & as my mom calls to me that H is possibly drinking again- i find my desire to tell the Woman off stronger & stronger.  It's like when i lose control of my life- i begin to scape goat into hers.
i can't control if my stepdad is drinking- but i can control how i talk to Her.
i told you pure crazy talk

Second- my wimpy little feelings were hurt again..by Her.  Banging head on wall.  I was bothered at the holidays how she made fun of my dislike of booster seats.  Then last week, criticized how much the office cost.  instead of saying something- because that would require me to A) not care how she feels/reacts or B) grow a backbone.  i sit  & stew.

So these are the 2 problems in my crazy little head that cause me to spend heaps of free time thinking about it.

She said at the holidays she wished we were closer, but makes no effort on her part. either by calling or by asking why i want to car seat vs boosters.  Its Her way or hte highway.  Quite frankly it bothers me not just for the crazy reasons- but there is NO ONE else in my life who is so stubborn, hot headed, & opinated.  Most people agree to disagree- not her. 
and it concerns me that the kids will get into an accident & one of them will be hurt b/c she switched them to a booster.  The trust bothers me.