i am still sorting out all this crazy shit in my head. I think i nailed it on the head yesterday talking about fearing of not wanting to turn into Her. But now today, i am wondering how do i get myself off the internet & to be present with my kids. I do think i did okay today at the end of the TK stuff. I told Lysa i don't want to spend any more time away from my family to do the schedule- so answer how you want it.
but i also choose to stop working on it & go read with Carlie & i have to remind myself that I actually can feel okay with delayed gratification ...sometimes b/c i am unhappy with the dog stuff, i want to rush & push through it so that i don't have to deal with it.
jennifer at sunday school mentioned - how she loves to read during hte week & is worried if she starts to Pin that she won't read. I admire that kind of discpline. what happened to my discpline? did i ever have it? i get so tired in the middle of the day. Maybe I need to drink a big glass of water & walk the dogs. i am not sure if i am having some sort of problem isolated from Troy's issues or if i am feeling the spill over effect. I realized that on a superficial level i feel good when posting online b/c of the feedback from other people. which i realize is crazy cakes- b/c 1/2 of them probalby aren't real. and who really gives a crap if Yuanita likes my posts. i think it is also part of a habit. just now i was watching the
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