Saturday, February 4, 2012

is it really about car seats or is it about something else.  God continues to knock me over the head with this lesson- I CAN NOT CONTROL OTHERS!!!!!!!!  WHY CAN"T I ACCEPT THIS & MOVE ON!  i can't control how you feel about my parenting. (whether b/c you really don't get it or b/c you are jealous) it's not enough about getting thicker skin- although that would help significantly- it is about accepting the changes i can make.  making the changes i can make & moving forward.  I was hoping for a more connected relationship with you.  but maybe right now is not the time.  maybe you need to meet me half way before i can trust & build.  maybe now is not the time.  but how do i let go of these feelings. how do i free myself from the anger and resentment.  how how how?
how can i conquer my fear of turning into you?  i do not fear that i will become like my mother -unable to reach out for help. b/c i have a "need" for connections with others- it's wired into me.  i'm different from her like that.  it is definilty genetics there.  BUT i do have a tendency to think my way is the best way- i THINK i am learning that there are many different ways.  i feel semi confident that i will continue to grow & develop.  but what if i don't...will that transform me into Her?  unkind, manipulative,

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