Awesome moment- it's what IT is all about

yesterday, things were moving down hill for carlie.  she hadn't eaten enough food by the time i saw her after school. she was very frustrated with her snack that i brought.  We went to the ortho- she was still very crabby at the end. we had 30 mins to fill before art. not enough time to run home & get another snack.  too cold to be outside.  

We went to norma's coffee, the kids had blueberry muffins, i had a cafe au lait & we played hang man for 30 mins.  i stayed off my phone & focused on them.  Carlie was very funny & clever. casey enjoyed being able to finally understand the game.

NEED to do more stuff like this.

i'm having anxiety attacks over feeling inadequate & indecisive about the parent tot classes.  I am back to worrying about how the class is a one shot deal, what if it sucks . what if what i have planned is lame.  I'm not sure how to stop myself from self doubt.  I try to remind myself 3 things:

1. the class is only 45 minutes

2. this content is good enough for my other classes, why not PT?

3. Parents do not want mess or complicated projects.  Want something fast & easy & child friendly.

I'm hoping that if i confirm & buy the items needed for the next couple of parties i can begin to relax again.

some things on my TO DO List that shouldn't be there. (literally they are not TO DO's, but statements)

Things/Places

Bocca Evanston

space needed between object & macro lens

teen mother choices 

Dog cartoon website

NWCH dog therapy program

Books-

7 min solution

When pigcasso met Mootasie

Eat Pray Love

Maryann Malloy- club about art instutide mini rooms

the bride wore size 12

beyond expectations

intant mom

alfie kohen (grades /homework study)

carkl hassisan Bad Monkey

Ideals:

clutter is procrastination

of Ephesians 4:29 "...let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear

losing a friend.  so i think i've recently lost a friend.  I'm not sure if this person is intentionally pushing me away or just too busy for our friendship.  I suppose both are the same in thought but the of someone intentionally trying to push me away is sad.  i noticed my message and invitations to hang out are not being reciprocated.  The friend has time for other friends. 

i'm choosing to sit on it for now.  I've sent 2 text, a fb comment & an email that have been unanswered.  i will wait & either they will respond or not.  perhaps in decmemebr i will send a "thinking of you" message.  

 

i recently went to the dentist & driving around the shore area left a pit in my stomach.  I'm not exactly sure why- maybe it's b/c i know (even with my dad's inheritance) i will never be able to live on the shore. and i really do understand how much money it requires.  so falling short, makes me feel inadequate.  Part of me realized that all my talk about high school students being the big fish in their little sea is currently true for our family in our stature.  

too many things out of my control right now. kelly passing, grandpa passing, big hole in ceiling, cracked wall upstairs, dog ate half a magnet,

too many things that i can not control or even begin to manage. 

I'm finally feeling some relief & stress start to slip away.  First changes i made- i had to give myself permission to feel the guilt, ugly feelings of not wanting to work.

then i had to get in control of work

i did this by planning out my next couple of weeks.  i ran off photo copies for oct & part of november. ran off coloring sheets & printables thru november.

it took time- it's a matter of which causes less stress

doing the prep every week or doing the prep once a month.

BUT now i need to let go. not worry about the classes in between planning sessions. NOT worry about coming up with new ideas for the next month.I'm always afriad i'm going to run out of ideas.  That has not happened yet. so why do i worry it.  It didn't happen, before the interner & pinterest in particular. so i need to let go of this idea.  it is IMPOSSIBLe to run out of ideas.  i need to keep telling myself that

same with the parent-tot class- the prep time is still there- it's just does it work better in a huge chunk & "set it & forget it" or is it better one class at a time.  I don't think i get that luxury in the winter - b/c there are 2 clases every monht.  I may have to just work 2 classes ahead of time.  we will see.  This week was a HUGE milestone- i didn't bring ANYTHING home with me on thursday. I wouldn't have brought stuff home on tuesday, except chloe was boogery all over the toys.  

something has that has helped=is being more purposeful with my time.  

it's going better.  I have swam 2 wednesday in a row. it is so relaxing, once i get past the first 15-20 mins hump. then i could just stay in the water floating  & kicking, & moving for a long time.

The dogs have gotten to the dog park 3 times this week_ BECAUSE_ i wasn't consumed with work stuff. they got to benefit from my balance.  AND I benefitted THREE TIMES- b/c i'm outside with the dogs, i don't have guilt over not taking care of dogs, dogs are crazy ass holes at night.

I need to tatoo that on my forehead- BALANCE equals happiness & benefits unmeasurable.

Today i changed sheets, cleaned toilets, running laurndy like crazy. did the menu, cleaned out the fridge.

getting dressed, eyebrow waxed, lynn & swim