well just like that in a blink of an eye, august is here. carlie goes back to school in a week & half.  It has been an amazing summer...summer of highs & lows.  but i am working through it.  I had some lows in june/july wondering if i have made the right decisions. then i worked 20 hours in one week, it felt like home to be back at the center...but now i don't really desire to go back.  perhaps when school starts, my feelings will change and i will want some extra cash.  The kids & i have gotten into a groove.  Troy & I are still working on a groove. 

I have more thoughts on the whole PAI situation, but for now, need to commit to I writing whenever I feel like going to the board or commenting, I will blog about it instead..or spend sometime focusing unreal relationships

Ugh so I fell back in with pai, even though my experience last time was not good. Again it happened. But Troy is right focus on people I really know. I really had not found Amy joy in being part of the board. It will take some practice to not check on the board. The emotions from talking to these people drive me nuts and
So I have taken a couple days to reflect on this...some good came out of the huge wasted t
Time. So the good was an exploration into what I believe...this also contributed to a great convo with troy

last day..it is finally here...there have been moments while the snow was falling & falling & falling into march...that i never thought June would arrive.
now that's it's here- i'm terrified.  i am back to the crazy WHAT IF's that i had back in Jan.  Seems like my confidence is shaken.  worried about losing friendships that were in existence b/c of work...need to breathe through today. 

last wednesday.  i'm tired, and un-interested.  what's wrong with me?  is this sadness or nervousness molded into something else?
sigh i think it's all the house projects, everything was going well and then yesterday. no tile company. not sure if harry is coming today.  (little worried about the guys painting the vaulted ceiling. the patio is being done today, i believe.  the fan is still buzzing.  i'm failing at having a positive attitude for helping my aunt pack next week. which sucks, i should have a bigger desire in my heart to help her.  it makes me feel like a rotten person!  ugh

last tuesday!  i can do this...i can do this...i'm going to try to not process what is going on ...like it this the last nap time i will do in Ch (at least for a while) just do it. process later!

Tuesday again.  once again i am met with dread & a case of the "not wanna go's".  I don't want to go to work...or i do want to see the adults but not do the work.  I'll admit it.  :)

I am also going to admit, i wish i could just mental checkout and be done...i'm sure there is a part of me that has done that already...and actually it's probably helping me to stay laid back and focus on nurturing vs curriculum.  but still i would love to not think of curriculmn today & just "hang out" with the kids...but i am already calculating the minimum number of projects i need to send home to make it appear that i haven't checked out & am still functioning as their teacher...
but i wish i didn't care about the parents opinion but i do....