i stayed unmotivated towards NAEYC yesterday.  The kids did a painting project & some other fun stuff...Casey had a high fever in the afternoon that took up the rest of my mental space.  thinking about him
mary is going to call my class parents today to tell them...so by staff meeting everyone will know.  i wasn't ready...or so i thought...but i was so excited to share with several people yesterday

having a hard time being motivated today.  Coffee is not helping much.
maybe it's because the only project on my radar for work is NAEYC.  ugh naeyc.

well with a quick turn of events...accelerated me towards staying at home.  I gave my notice this week.  It was a culmination of massive relief and OH SHIT what did i just do. 
we had a fab day yesterday, gives me confidence i can do this...we will see what the rainy day brings today...

current state of mind: frazzled but trying to breathe.  we purchased new windows this weekend & a garage door today. yikes!  We are now at 12,000 in newness for the house...but that's okay...or at least i am trying to accept that it will be okay.  i guess because i have been the driving force & approval behind everything, i am concerned that i left some cost out or under estimated our projects.
today after feeling like all i have done for the last month is purge & clean..decided on a whim to try out the schaumburg library.  it was a great time.  i focused on being in the moment & not trying to control everything.  we were there for about 2 hours.  it felt so relaxed.  it will be nice to be relaxed and go slower.  part of me almost feels guilty because it is going or should be a more laid back enjoyable life for us. 

back to the countdown...it's finally here 4 weeks until i give my notice...8 weeks total at work....which seems like a long time with a new director & new initiatives being rolled out...but it's not.. not at all..especially since i started the countdown in December (that was silly)
i have accepted that i can be excited to be home & sad to leave at the same time.  that's okay.  I am not leaving work b/c i hate it...there are somethings i dis like...but i don't hate my job...(perhaps back in dec, when this conversation started i did hate my job) but not now. 
but i am really going to miss my friends...BUT i can always see them outside of work...look at Kari's party- i hadn't seen or talked to Brandy in 2 weeks..& we work in the same building. 
The kids that i am going to miss...i can facebook friend their parents & do play dates...
it will be sad to leave...but i am asking to be on the sub list...so hopefully i will be back occasionally. 
i will still be friends w/ Diana...we will actually hang out more ...there are people i will be sad to leave...like Basrua but in a year they will be leaving the building anyways...
so it's okay to be excited to SAHM & okay to be sad to leave the center.

this is where i am at right now...first i wished that i didn't over analyze all of this..i wish i was more like Troy to let it go and experience life in the moment...but that's tricky..cause i feel like i have one foot in the pool of work & one foot entering the pool of home.  I need to work on NOT creating extra work or stress in my life...i worry that when i don't have work...all of a sudden TK or other stuff will over take me.
Something has changed within me- i used to feel relief & relaxation when only jugging 3 vs 5 things.  i used to be able to breathe...but now i feel stressed really over nothing...i have some school stuff on my to do list, one small self sufficent TK event this weekend, some homeschool stuff and cranky HOA stuff...but really this is nothing compared to juggling ACA & Tower show...but i don't feel the difference...i used to feel the difference in stress level
so when i am not working, i am going to have to try & work on living in the moment.  this is why i am leaving work to be home isn't it...to be in the moment.
i also need to pick up some books on boundaries again...i need to work on NOT letting confrontation take over my free time & mental energy.  letting it go

The countdown is on...ONE month until i give notice. YIKES!
now i am starting to get nervous- nervous about the decision i am making...worried that i won't be able to manage the girl's behavior, that i will mess the boy's chances in school up... nervous that i am going to miss my friends so much. sigh.
but at the same time, i can't wait to be home...